He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
