I'm so fucking centered right now
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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