Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
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