i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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