Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
