Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Holy shit dude........stairs
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
