I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
