Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
