Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
