You really coming over, don't trick.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
