i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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