People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
