if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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