you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
