I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
