Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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