i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
