Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Green mimosas i think yes
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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