is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
