drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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