am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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