apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
