Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
