I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
