Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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