Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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