everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Randomize
