I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
