no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
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i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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