Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
