I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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