my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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