Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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