There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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