I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
