Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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