Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
