Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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