i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
