thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
