It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
