from now on my penis is your penis
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
