do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
