Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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