Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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