So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
