woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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