Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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