i can't believe i had my finger in that
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
