i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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