What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i dont even know how to be here
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
