What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
