my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
