just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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