new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
nutella sex= disaster
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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