i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
