pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
