So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
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