Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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