Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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