I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
