glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
