just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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