I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
