It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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