I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
