oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
