We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
