you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
