she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Randomize
